00:01
A long time ago, on an asteroid.
00:04
Far, far away from good suhi. Two legends entered, one champion left, and the loser? He really left. As in went to live in a cave for five years.
00:15
Wildcard fans were bereft.
00:17
Bereft.
00:18
Nice. Jot Rustin.
00:23
Come on out. The galaxy's biggest promoter and handsomest employer.
00:29
Brought these opposing forces back to Frostburn for a winner-take-all grudge match.
00:35
Melee on the Meteor is on like Buddha Kong.
00:39
For months now, the two sides have sparred, inside the arena and out.
00:44
At times it got ugly, girl.
00:46
Other times it got weird. Like when Lumph met his cronian copycat, Fendor.
00:51
That one got ugly and weird. Yeah, it did. Yeah.
00:56
Okay, stop. You okay?
00:59
It's been a soap opera.
01:01
Reno, secret rendezvous, dangerous liaisons, all going down under the noses of the Chronian royal family.
01:08
Spord, still upset from accusations that he cheated five years ago by gonking up Locke's cannon with the wad of Spord’s butt, went full MIA, dodging the press before spilling his Spord thoughts all over Sports Illustrated. It was a Spord tell all. The Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue is horrifying. Wow.
01:25
All of which was apparently too boring for our fearless employer, who decided to throw the entire space rock into chaos.
01:34
Promoter Rustin today, shocking the Wildcard world.
01:37
Locke and Bolgar each have to draft half of their team from the other roster.
01:42
Each champion drafting half his crew from the other guy's team is pure insanity. I mean, hey, genius move. Fuck, yeah.
01:52
You're one of a kind.
01:53
Jot, then tragedy, a beloved new addition.
01:58
Driven mad by his admiration of Lumph. Blew himself up in a very public existential crisis.
02:04
But, hey, they rebuilt him with a clean memory chip and he remembers none of it.
02:08
I wonder if you could get that.
02:10
Maybe I have, Reno. Lovely Princess Neva was revealed to be hot and heavy with the Chronian champ Locke. Actually, I would like to forget that.
02:17
Moving on to the shocking revelation, the
02:20
Utterly unthinkable revelation that Prince Boone frames Spord. Spord is innocent. I'm losing my mind here.
02:27
Reno, vindicating sweet sport, of any wrongdoing.
02:31
I am unraveling, which leads us to this moment, now.
02:38
Moments away from the grudge match.
02:40
Call it what you want. Melee on the Meteor. Rumble on the rock. Battle on the briquette.
02:46
Downeybrook. On the dirt clawed rock fight.
02:49
I got nothing. But it's five years in the making.
02:52
A collision of two primal forces.
02:55
And. Hike up your socks, shake the cat and call it soup.
02:59
What?
02:59
I don't know. Because the battle is about to commence. Get ready. For Wildcard.